The saguaro cactus said to the very early morning talk show, “I can’t love you because you’re repetitive.” The very early morning talk show blamed his tears on the garlic he was chopping. “No. Onions cause that,” the saguaro cactus said, wishing the spines she grew to protect herself from the outside world could somehow turn around and prick her to make her be the bleeding one for once. The very early morning talk show knew she was right; he did rely on the same format every morning. Sarcasm for laughter. Deep, prepared questions to feign emotional connection. He sautéed the garlic, refusing to look up from the sizzling pan. The saguaro cactus had a repetitive pattern too: she routinely made the very early morning talk show fear her power over him. Their dog howled on their beige velvet sofa. That’s when the News 12 New Jersey helicopter crashed into their 14th story apartment window. It was okay, because the dog survived, howling the whole way through, doing its damnedest to howl away the whirlwind and the tiny leak in its water bowl it suspected was there but couldn’t really know for sure.
UPDATE: Buffalo Chips has responded to this unusual piece by publishing a respected random reader’s interpretation of this story’s trippy-ness. You can read that reader’s interpretation here.